Bush Vetoes Charcoal Grill Bill; Cites Carbon As Fundamental Component Of All Life — Tom Attea-NewsLaugh.com

As expected, George Bush exercised his veto power and expunged the controversial Charcoal Grill Bill that the Senate and the House, growing wiser about the promise of science, bravely passed – without, however, enough votes to override his ill-considered flick of the pen. The bill would have allowed federal funding for barbeque research. It was the first veto of his presidency.

Citing the role of carbon, not only in charcoal briquettes, but as the fundamental component of life, Mr. Bush stated, “You’ve got to respect carbon. Without it, none of us would be here.” He then pointed to himself, and said, “For instance, I wouldn’t be here. I owe my life to carbon.”

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A Bomb For A Bomb And A Rocket For A Rocket; What Hath Terrorism Wrought But A New Code Of Hammurabi — Tom Attea-NewsLaugh.com

Look far and wide, and what do we see? The most civilized nations, at least, the ones we've got at this point in our nascent human development, having made an uneasy accommodation to behavior that they would historically wretch at as downright repellent.

It’s none other than the law of Hammurabi, or tit for tat, writ in TNT.

So we arrive at the big question. What hath terrorism wrought?

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Money-Saving Tricks for Creating Halloween Treats — Silvester Thompson

Creating your own Halloween essentials is a great way to have a unique celebration while saving money. Perfect Glue, a great resource for family-friendly Halloween projects, offers these simple money- and time-saving tips for a frighteningly fun night.

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5 Big Advantages of PC Games on Demand — tritongamer

Move up to games on demand online for your PC. Start playing within minutes as you stream the game to your desktop. Get the latest and greatest games anywhere in the world.

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It Became An All-Night Serenade Crusade — God's Penman

I’m at the age when sleep, especially during the night, is a very fragile commodity. The least little noise arouses my body to full consciousness. I say my body, because I’m not sure my brain is ever conscious. Too much evidence exists to make one believe there aren’t any conscious gray cells in my cranium. At least, that is the opinion of the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, which she has expressed on more than one occasion.

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You Might Be A Chocoholic If ... — Wayne Mitchell

Are you a chocoholic? Answer these questions to help find out.
chocoholic (def): a person who has or claims to have an addiction to chocolate
If you have more than 2 secret stashes of chocolate candy, you might be a chocoholic. (Be honest.)

* If your top 3 favorite candies all have chocolate in them, you might be a chocoholic.

* If you have more than 4 books at home on chocolate, you might be a chocoholic.

* If your favorite dessert is chocolate cake with chocolate...

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Black Humor, College Humor, Blond Jokes, funny pictures — ToyGun

In my findings, if it doesn’t kill you, it’s funny.

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Top 10 Hangover Cures — kingdom85

This is a guide for all you people out there who suffer from hangovers in a big way. Hopefully this will help in your recovery from a night of over indulgence.

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How to drive traffic to your website using funny videos — Bryan Robinson

Many webmasters are using the same techniques to drive traffic to their websites with paid advertising and SEO. But creative marketing with funny videos and/or training videos is simple and effective for making a website stand out from the competition.

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Smoking Gun In Cancer Revealed; It's The Smoking Throat — Tom Attea-NewsLaugh.com

OK, smoke fans, the facts are out once again. According to the new and pretty inarguable Cancer Atlas and the updated Tobacco Atlas, which were published by The American Cancer Society, if "Smoky, The Scare" gets his way, tobacco use is projected to kill a billion people in this century. (By the way, wouldn't it be more reassuring if the word “Prevention” was in the Society's name?)

Now, that’s what we call recreational population control. The figure amounts to ten times as many folks as smoking sent choking to the grave in the 20th century.

And ready for this? Tobacco use causes one in five cancer deaths, or a total of 1.4 million graveward bound souls a year.

Now, here’s the good and much underappreciated news: Dr. Judity Mackay, a senior policy adviser of the World Health Organization, tells us, "We know with cancer, if we take action now, we can save 2 million lives a year by 2020 and 6.5 million by 2040."

So here’s our bit to stop cancer in its tracks. And we’re not going to pull any punches, because, if you still smoke, you obviously haven’t listened to anybody yet, and we care about you too much not to give you our best shot.

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Chinese Hope To Make British Car That Works — Tom Attea-NewsLaugh.com

Remember the MG? Worse yet, did you ever own one? Then cower in fear. The Chinese bought the MG brand name and are about to open a plant to build the malfunctioning suckers in Oklahoma.

The Nanjing Automobile Group, which acquired bankrupt MG Rover Group last year, plans to be the first Chinese automaker to open a factory in the US. The product will be called the MG TF Coupe and will be out in 2008.

Let’s hope they do a better job with the racy brand than the Brits did.

I never did own an MG, but I owned another British car, a venerable Jaguar, that I had repaired at a place that specialized in servicing MGs.

Here is my story, with one caveat. I understand now that Ford bought the Jag brand, it works better.

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Peace-Loving Muslim Located; Expresses Normal Human Concerns — Tom Attea-NewsLaugh.com

Noting the way violent and irrational Muslims have dominated the news, while the Muslim masses and, most inexcusably, Muslim clerics have in general remained reticent about the scandalously murderous terrorist talk and the mayhem the lunatics advocate, we decided there must be, among the world’s billion or so Muslims, any number of normal, peace-loving and, on a wild bet, perhaps even modern-minded, acolytes. So we began our tireless search to see if we might find such a rare and wonderful countercurrent to the tide that is sweeping the Muslim religion ever more beyond the shoreline of what sane and civilized people consider blessed.

We’re delighted to tell you that, after an extensive search, we were, in fact, able to locate at least one such exceptional and distinguished soul. Obviously, there may be others out there, but they’re just not being visibly vocal, unless, of course, a cartoon shows up that they decide is offensive.

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In Mogadishu, Coke Is Branded As The Infidel Thing — Tom Attea-NewsLaugh.com

Islamic militants who have taken over in Mogadishu and dropped the dark veil of medievalism over the minds of the citizenry have branded Coca-Cola as un-Islamic.

A hard-line sheik has declared that Westerners are enemies of Islam and their products should not be consumed.

The man has followers. One, who owns a tea shop, said, "Out of ignorance, I was selling and drinking Coca-Cola, but now I hate it so much.'

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Ehud Olmert, MD, Lances Inflammed Boil; Aims To Drain Infection — Tom Attea-NewsLaugh.com

Noticing that inflammatory behavior by Hezbollah and Hamas has been festering more and more acutely, Ehud Olmert, MD – in this case, Military Doctor – decided that, to avoid a wider infection, he had to lance the boil immediately.

The life-threatening activities of Hezbollah and Hamas had simply reached a point where sugical intervention became imperative.

While all who care about human life must regret the loss and maiming of it anywhere, we also know that Lebanon is too weak to clean out Hezbollah itself, while Hamas in Gaza has no intention of remedying itself.

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Iraq Opens Suicide Bomber Range; Calls It Twice-Blessed Paradise Express — Tom Attea-NewsLaugh.com

In an effort to reduce the loss of life and limb by suicide bombers, the Iraqi government has opened a suicide bomber range. The government's intention is to encourage all those who are determined to carry out such an explosive termination to execute the insane plan in a way that is being hailed as twice-blessed.

The government maintains that it will be blessed because, one, the bombers will be carrying out their hope of putting themselves on the expressway to the paradise of their dreams and, two, they will accomplish their mission without blasting off with anyone else.

As Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki stated, "We have established a way for the suicide bombers to achieve their highest goal in a far more considerate way; now, they can blow themselves up in sanctimonious privacy.”

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